For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives.
Children want and need to know about death, yet we are often reluctant - even squeamish - when talking about it. Conversations with kids about death can be extremely difficult, but they are so important. Helping children understand the death of their pet may arm them with the skills they need to cope and grieve effectively when someone they love dies. Everyone experiences a sense of shock when death occurs, and this is especially true for children. They have no prior experience, and usually no information to help them comprehend what "dead forever" means .
Death and grief are extremely difficult human emotions, therefore, there is no right or wrong way to deal with death. As adults, our reactions to death are a product of societal attitudes and the beliefs and culture of the family from which we came.
When a family member dies, children express their grief differently depending on their age. An infant may become irritable and fussy. A pre-schooler lives in a magical world, so death isn't permanent for them. They may alternate between seeing death as temporary and reversible to understanding that death is forever. Children ages six to 12 have a more mature understanding of death and teenagers have an adult understanding of death, but has fewer coping skills.
Justin's is 5 years old and lives with his mom and dad and brand new sister Sarah. One morning, Justin wakes up to mom's tears and runs to Sarah's room to find mommy and daddy crying. Daddy ushers Justin out of the room and tells him quietly that Sarah isn't going to wake up today .
Justin is scared and confused. Justin has never seen Daddy cry. Dad is his hero. He makes Justin feel safe. What could be so horrible that it would make Daddy cry? Daddy spends the morning talking to Justin while mom and Grandma Jane go in and out of the house, crying and Sarah is taken away by strange people that Justin does not know.
After lunch, Justin goes to Sarah's room to look for her. They always take an afternoon nap together. But Sarah isn't there. "When will Sarah be home?" Justin asks his daddy. Daddy holds Justin as he tells him "Sarah won't be coming home, honey, Sarah has died. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. We're all so very sad. Why don't we sit together and remember some of the funny things she used to do." Justin turns his blue eyes to look at Daddy "No, it's okay Daddy. She'll be home later ."
